its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
