and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
