Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you win again, gameday.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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