You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
