he shaved USA in his pubs
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
