I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
