God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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