Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
