I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
