I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
