i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
