We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
How external is "for external use only"?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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