I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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