Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
