Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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