im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
