Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
