The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
