Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
