there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
