Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
