Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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