wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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