Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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