I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
