I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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