I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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