4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
