I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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