he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
