so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
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So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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