So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
