Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
