So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
