omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
