Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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