i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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