Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My dick has a subreddit
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
