i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
nutella sex= disaster
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
