i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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