dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
