She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
