I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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