it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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