also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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