i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Randomize
