we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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