did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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