afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
