Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your topless pictures make me question reality
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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