HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
