she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
