I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
