You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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