I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
