I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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