how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
