She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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