Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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