You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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