but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
