The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
