Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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