there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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