This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
