I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
