the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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