I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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