R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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