i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
