I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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