He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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