Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
