It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
