In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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