My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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