Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
